Creativity, thine name is... me!

Every now and then a phrase will pop into my head. Eventually a few of these become part of my artistic ouevre. More often, they just sit there, looking cool. Taunting me with their potential that I just can't quite grasp.

Here are some that I know I'm not going to be using anytime soon. Well, probably. They may appear in a story somewhere. Anyway, they're stuck in my head so they've got to go somewhere. Lucky you.

• Babies with Rabies


• Christianarchy


• Falafellatio


• Grandson of Sam


• George Oh, well


• Jesus Loves to Bake


• Wait Loss


• Arm the Homeless


• Colonel of Truth

Most of these fall into the too-punny-to-be-useful pile. Just wait to see what I've got on tap, y'all.

Six-word stories

Wired's doing this thing of six-word stories submitted by actual writers.

It sounded like fun, so I thought I'd do a few:

• Will you be mine? No? Damn.



• I tried to fly. I failed.



• The feather fell slowly, unlike Margaret.

Ain't no bomb like the one I've got

So many GOP malfeasors, so little time.

--AZ-Sen: Jon Kyl

--AZ-01: Rick Renzi

--AZ-05: J.D. Hayworth

--CA-04: John Doolittle

--CA-11: Richard Pombo

--CA-50: Brian Bilbray

--CO-04: Marilyn Musgrave

--CO-05: Doug Lamborn

--CO-07: Rick O'Donnell

--CT-04: Christopher Shays

--FL-13: Vernon Buchanan

--FL-16: Joe Negron

--FL-22: Clay Shaw

--ID-01: Bill Sali

--IL-06: Peter Roskam

--IL-10: Mark Kirk

--IL-14: Dennis Hastert

--IN-02: Chris Chocola

--IN-08: John Hostettler

--IA-01: Mike Whalen

--KS-02: Jim Ryun

--KY-03: Anne Northup

--KY-04: Geoff Davis

--MD-Sen: Michael Steele

--MN-01: Gil Gutknecht

--MN-06: Michele Bachmann

--MO-Sen: Jim Talent

--MT-Sen: Conrad Burns

--NV-03: Jon Porter

--NH-02: Charlie Bass

--NJ-07: Mike Ferguson

--NM-01: Heather Wilson

--NY-03: Peter King

--NY-20: John Sweeney

--NY-26: Tom Reynolds

--NY-29: Randy Kuhl

--NC-08: Robin Hayes

--NC-11: Charles Taylor

--OH-01: Steve Chabot

--OH-02: Jean Schmidt

--OH-15: Deborah Pryce

--OH-18: Joy Padgett

--PA-04: Melissa Hart

--PA-07: Curt Weldon

--PA-08: Mike Fitzpatrick

--PA-10: Don Sherwood

--RI-Sen: Lincoln Chafee

--TN-Sen: Bob Corker

--VA-Sen: George Allen

--VA-10: Frank Wolf

--WA-Sen: Mike McGavick

--WA-08: Dave Reichert

You sure that ratio is right?

Stealing Time

One senior professional I met had a rule that she lived by: the 80:10:10 rule. She spent 80% of her workweek doing the best work she could possibly do, 10% of her workweek focused on her personal and intellectual development, and the remaining 10% telling as many people as possible what a good job she was doing during the 80% of the time she was actually doing her job!

I'm awesome. And clearly anal enough to have broken down my Guide to a Successful Work Life into a neat pie chart. Here it is, though in list form. Bow before me and tremble, foolish mortals:

• 2% - Telling people how awesome I am at what I do.


• 6% - Meetings with psychotic control freak admin assistants.


• 7% - Work. It totally blows.


• 18% - Showing people how awesome I am... by correcting their screwups.


• 67% - goofing off and surfing the web Personal and intellectual development.

My development is through the roof!

p.s. have I parked anything lately?

It's teh funny

But I can't remember the product

Because my audience demanded it

Shocker 101 Mugs



They're going to be all the rage as stocking stuffers this year, I just know it.

More Popular than you could ever imagine

I'm not quite sure what happened, but my Shocker 101 t-shirts (available in white or black!) are suddenly selling like virtual hotcakes.



Supplies are unlimited! Make sure you get yours today before they don't run out!

Because everyone needs to know the difference between the Spocker and the Showstopper.

Anchorman - 0/5

I finally got around to watching "I like scotch!  Scotchy scotch scotch scotch" <a Anchorman this weekend and...

it is quite possibly the worst movie I have seen in the past five years.

As best as I can tell, it was a vehicle to see how far Will Ferrell could carry a crappy movie.  The answer?  About 10 minutes.  From the boring opening to the stylish-but-not-nearly-stylish-enough 70s schtick, it was pure, unadulterated crap.  The dialogue was abysmal, the characters were amateurish, the plot was nonexistent, the acting was pure dogshit (natch), and the only single redeeming feature was Steve Carell - and he seriously needs to watch out for that typecasting thing (though I think he may be big enough to avoid that wrecking ball.  Evan Almighty should tell us one way or the other).

You know, if I wanted to watch a 2 hour movie about a moron in an absurd setting - but one that was actually funny - I'd pop in Happy Gilmore or Billy Madison.  

Will, I know Adam Sandler, and you, sir, are no Adam Sandler.  At no point in this rambling, incoherent mess of a movie did you come close to engaging the audience or obtaining even a chuckle.  I award you no points, and may FSM have mercy on your soul.

Familiarity, meet contempt

OK, the more I watch Battlestar Galactica, the more I'm hating it.  I just can't get past the hackneyed, deus ex machina, by-the-numbers writing.  It's got a serious case of 24-itis.  When ultra narcissist Gaias doesn't turn in Cylons because it would be too much effort, you know the writing sucks.  A real self-interested motivation would be to turn the Cylon in for the glory and life preservation.  Not ratting out Boomer the second she leaves the room is dogshit writing and the next episode with Ellen is straight out of Jack Bauer bullshit plot twist 101.

I may just have to write my own damn spec script for this show and show 'em how it's done, yo.

So I posted junk today

Sorry about that.

Bush Drowns in the Blood of the Innocent

and plays fiddle while the Constitution burns

A team of American and Iraqi epidemiologists estimates that 655,000 more people have died in Iraq since coalition forces arrived in March 2003 than would have died if the invasion had not occurred.

The estimate, produced by interviewing residents during a random sampling of households throughout the country, is far higher than ones produced by other groups, including Iraq's government.

It is more than 20 times the estimate of 30,000 civilian deaths that President Bush gave in a speech in December. It is more than 10 times the estimate of roughly 50,000 civilian deaths made by the British-based Iraq Body Count research group.

The surveyors said they found a steady increase in mortality since the invasion, with a steeper rise in the last year that appears to reflect a worsening of violence as reported by the U.S. military, the news media and civilian groups. In the year ending in June, the team calculated Iraq's mortality rate to be roughly four times what it was the year before the war.

Of the total 655,000 estimated "excess deaths," 601,000 resulted from violence and the rest from disease and other causes, according to the study. This is about 500 unexpected violent deaths per day throughout the country.

I've been sitting on this because I don't know quite what to say. The total deaths caused by our country in an illegal, elective war of invasion, brought about by the lies and bloodthirsty sociopathy of a small number of chickenhawks is beyond my powers of comprehension.

Maybe this will help. Iraq had approximately the population of California. Due to our invasion of Iraq we have wiped out the equivalent of most of San Francisco, or all of Anaheim and Bakersfield. Or Sacramento and Fremont.

All of those people are dead because of us. Because of Bush. Impeachment is an insufficient remedy, but it is at least a step towards justice.

Oh, and the story? It was carried on page <strong>A12</strong> of the WaPo. A-12, people, so that the valuable front page real estate could carry things like a warning of the demise of handwriting. What liberal media?

Posting by Email sort of sucks

What's the point if it strips the formatting?  Let's try it this way and see if the link comes through.

Test post via email

tap tap tap... is this thing on?

Does it take 2?

Just checking